I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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