She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
