tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
