Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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