last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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