I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
