sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
