Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
