his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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