and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
