Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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