So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
