can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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