if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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