when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
