Whod you bang
Screwed.edu
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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