i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
