No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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