he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
