When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
