I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
