I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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