I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
