i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
