Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its not stalking. its research.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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