hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
