My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
