Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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