Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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