Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
