Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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