woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
