Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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