Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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