There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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