Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
