i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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