At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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