You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
