We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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