before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
