Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That's intense
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
