How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
