I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How does one acquire holy water?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
