I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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