We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
