Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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