I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
