So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
