You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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